So far, not so great

I have to fight my over-determined brain.  I set off yesterday, filled with good intentions: to be careful with what I ate (no wheat, no sugar), to do some gentle exercise (pilates), to do some bits around the house (washing).  Well, by 5pm I was drained and shaking.  I inhaled most of a packet of Hobnobs.  (Everyone knows Hobnobs are evil - the crack of the biscuit world.  Especially the chocolate ones.  I would view with suspicion anyone who could eat just one.) 

I have to accept that this process needs to be baby steps.  It is okay to sit rest, it is okay to do nothing.  I find this incredibly difficult - hence ending up ill in the first place.

Yesterday, I said I had no interests.  That wasn't 100% true.  When my daughter was diagnosed with Leukaemia in 2011, our lives ground to a halt.  I went from working 70-80 hour weeks to staying in hospital for months.  The experience was incredibly traumatic (and I suspect a trigger for my current condition), but it was also a very long and slow process with most days just being a great, grey plod to the next.  I couldn't read much as my brain wouldn't let me think or focus.  We watched a lot of rubbish television.  In the end, during one period away from hospital, I used YouTube and taught myself to crochet.  It was a very sweary evening, but I managed it.  It gave me something to do with my hands other than eat crisps.  I told you I am an eater - imagine what those 2.5 years of watching my little girl (who was actually 12-14 at the time) endure chemo did to my weight.  Crochet was a bit of a relief.

So I got it out yesterday and did a few rows of a blanket I started months ago.  It was very soothing.  It is tough to just sit, whilst feeling guilty about work and the state of the house, and crochet.  However, until my body tells me otherwise, I have no choice.

Why is my blog called, 'The Great Fibro Experiment'?  Because I actually started it a few months ago with the intention of trying things that might help me.  I never did anything with it.  I've retained the title because I still am conducting an experiment: to see if I can have a happy, fulfilled and healthy life with this condition.